Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Testing.. Testing.. This is a test. If this were an actual ploy for attention.. I would`ve said "bacon" or "boobies."
When people said they sleep like a baby, it`s because they do not have one.
Hi, welcome to adulthood! You`ll be constantly tired except for right before you need to go to sleep.
Weekends are like a orgasm.. It`s takes a lot to get there and when u finally do it`s over in no time
How do you know if your girlfriend is getting fat?...She fits into your wife`s clothes.
I wanna say something. I´m gonna put it out there. If u like it, u can take it, if you don´t, send it back. "I want to be on you"
It was so cold that when we milk the cows we got ice cream.
My ex got run down by a bus today. I thought "Wow, that could have been me!" but I can`t drive a bus.
If the plan is “drink beer now, figure out life later” then yes, everything is going according to plan.
As a nation, we may be spending our children`s money, but at my house, it`s the other way around.
I`ve got a Tootsie Pop and seven hours until the aviary notices their Spotted Owl is missing. Let`s do this!
Most difficult job ever.......Working in a bubble wrap factory......Imagine the self control needed.
uncle Sam can`t be related to me because family wouldn`t do me like this.
Never be mean to nerds. You never know, one day you might be working for them!
RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE: 3 fingers behind your phone, your pinky tucked under for support and your scrolling with your thumb! LIKE if I’m right!!!!