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They told me to come here and write something funny, so I`m gonna post my bank account balance: -$4.09
When you called me a b*tch, did you mean it as an insult or a compliment?
Today I saw a baby with a bib that said `This dumbass put my cape on backwards.`
!that embarrasing moment when you fake a call then a real one comes...!lol.
I never forget a breast, I mean face. I never forget a face.
Sometimes I wanna copy someone´s status word for word and see if they notice.
tonights theme: grab somebody sexy tell them hey, give me everything tonight!
I`m putting more thought into my Halloween costume than into my job.
I`ll never be to old to redecorate your garden gnomes in the middle of the night.
I cannot turn water into wine but, I can turn ice cream into breakfast so that’s pretty neat.
The trick is not let anyone know how really weird you are until it’s too late to back out.
It`s been an exhausting day of pretending I`m a pleasant person.
I`d like to have a child one day ... Two days, tops.
I lost my ladder when I was very young but I was fortunate to have such a great step-ladder to raise me ...anytime I couldn`t reach anything
I dont run from my problems, I chase them ... with alcohol