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Transformation Tuesday! Throwback Thursday! Flashback Friday! Never underestimate a woman`s ability to find a reason to post a selfie.
I sleep better when I`m naked why can`t my boss understand this?!
I need plastic surgery to fix whatever it is about my face that gives people the impression I want to hear about their relationship problems.
I can totally relate to cranky elderly people. I mean you can only be nice for so long!
It`s so cold outside I just saw a teenager with his pants pulled all the way up!
I didn`t see anyone important yesterday, so I`ll probably wear these same clothes today.
Today`s Generation: "Omg my parents never let me have anything." via iPhone
No matter how much you push the envelope - it`ll still be stationery.
Once in a while, someone amazing will come into your life. And here I am!
You are more likely to be bitten by a person who believes they are a shark than an actual shark.
If turning alcohol into bad decisions ever becomes an Olympic event, I`m bringin` home the Gold! USA! USA!
Why is it that people who drink energy drinks seem like the people with the least amount of sh!t going on?
Do you think people will start blaming auto correct for there marriages breaking down?
Now that 1 in every 3 people cheats in their relationships,I`m left wondering. . .Is it my wife or my girlfriend that`s cheating?
Alarm clocks should come with sounds like "tiny doll feet scampering into the closet" because I am not hitting snooze when I hear that.