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I`m not sure where you learned to whisper but I`m guessing inside a helicopter surrounded by f*cking chainsaws.
Everything in earthquake-prone areas should be built on top of a giant Tempurpedic mattress.
Don`t just lay there... Move! Bounce! Do something!! ~ me, pleading with my hair
Don’t trust people that dislike pizza. They’re probably not human.
Today`s Facebook forecast: Partly boring, increased drama, and a really good chance of bullsh*t.
My problem is that all food is comfort food
The hardest part about going through a divorce is finding a hitman you can trust.
Girl rule. A girl will only compliment another girl that is uglier than they are.
Friends don’t let friends twerk.
There is no logical reason why short pants should cost the same as long pants.
May your neighbors respect you, troubles neglect you, angels protect you and heaven accept you.
Rabbits jump & they live for 8 yrs. Dogs run & they live for 15 yrs. Turtles don`t do anything & they live for 150 years. LESSON LEARNED!
Because it`s the season to give thanks, I would just like to say....you`re welcome.
Relationships would be easier if people came with a "Clear History" button.
Calling your girlfriend beautiful because you forgot her name.