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As a kid, i was afraid of the dark. Now as an adult, I love the dark because I am terrified of the electrical bill.
The awkward moment when you’re that one friend who always gives relationship advice but is still single.
I don`t "get lost". I find creative ways to get places I didnt know I wanted to go.
Holding my breath until someone likes this status.
loves driving down the road and just waving at random people like you know them!:D
Maybe it`s inappropriate for the first date but if there`s a maze on the menu I`m asking for crayons.
I shurvivfed the dentisht wivout any notishable shide affecshss.
I sometimes check my blocklist to see how my prisoners are doing
I just accidentally opened the door for a Jehovah`s Witness and he took one look at me and just walked away.
For the record, giving someone the creeps for Christmas is technically not a gift.
I got in touch with my musculine side today - laying on the couch all day, eating gross food, playing games...
Life is tough. Put on your big girl panties and deal with it like the rest of us.
Really disappointed to find out after laser eye surgery I am unable to burn down buildings
Even if gas prices go down, I´m still going to siphon gas from my neighbor´s car because I like the adrenaline rush and he´s an a$$hole
One way to find out if you`re old is to fall down in front of a group of people. If they laugh, you`re young, if they panic, you`re old.