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They might want to put a picture of that airplane on a milk carton.
You guys make Facebook worth it! Just kidding, we are all wasting our lives.
I think it`s safe to assume that people buying stock in twitter have never actually been on twitter.
You look over-medicated. What`s your doctor`s name?
Once I made a belt out of watches. It was a waist of time.
I bet when Hugh Hefner dies no one will say "He`s in a better place now."
I may not be the richest guy...or the smartest guy...or the funniest guy...or the best-looking guy...or the .....:( Forget it, now I`m depressed.
When one door closes, another one opens.... That`s when you realize that you`ve bought a really bad second hand car.
Do you remember that creepy guy who stood behind you on a train 6 years ago and was smelling your hair? Hi!
If I had known "cuties" were little oranges when my wife asked me to "bring a few home," I could have avoided these awkward introductions.
How come no one in a zombie movie has ever seen a zombie movie
Statistically: 1 in 7 dwarfs are grumpy
Mondays feel like biting into a chocolate chip cookie only to find out it`s oatmeal raisin.
When your world is falling apart, when it seems like things can`t get any worse, please remember...I don`t give a s$it.
All my dance moves look like i`m trying to tell the guy on first base to steal second