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I can`t wait for the day when my kids are old enough that I can drink with them and not because of them.
Just drank a `coffee to go` while sitting. Screw the system!
Wanted: Magic hat for a snowman
I saw a poor old lady fall over today, at least I presume she was poor, she only had $ 1,20 in her purse
Don’t you hate when the person you’re Facebook-stalking never updates anything?
Let’s all take a moment and be thankful spiders can’t fly.
Sorry, I just saw your text from last night. Are you guys still at the restaurant?
Studies confirm that smoking withdrawal (for me) can be fatal (for you).
The Fourth of July was an annual reminder of how useless my dog would be in a war.?
The only reason I keep my land line is for the eventuality that this is The Matrix.
I`m at my most badass when I`m popping a wheelie with a shopping cart.
You bring the friendship, I`ll bring the benefits.
Sex in the City is the prequel to The Golden Girls, right?
If you feel lonely... dim all lights & put on a horror-movie. After a while it won’t feel like you are alone anymore
All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific.