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I just watched a puppy do something really cute. It was like a real life YouTube video.
I´m not lazy, I´m just highly motivated not to do anything.
Music is best when it’s louder than I can think.
Halloween is my favorite holiday where you can trespass on a stranger`s property and make a non-negotiable demand.
Revenge is not in my plans. You`ll f*ck yourself on your own.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought, "Yep, you have a person in your basement."?
I was going to get a lot of stuff done tonight, but I didn`t. Because, you know...beer.
Wow, I haven`t seen you since the last time I wish I hadn`t seen you
I don`t get why people say "They were busting their ass"? Wasn`t it already cracked to begin with?
I really think there should be a separate driving lane for those of us running solely on caffeine and rage.
One of us spends too much time on Facebook.
I finally finished my 4,000 piece jigsaw puzzle. It reads- " Get a life you sad F**k "
I like to gaze up at the stars at night and think about how somewhere there is intelligent life that hates doing laundry as much as I do.
Home alone… Time to teach the neighbors what good music sounds like!
My son wants to be a shrink when he grows up... Clearly I`ve failed to teach him our family`s place in the psychiatric process...