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Not sure what`s longer. A microwave minute or a treadmill minute.
I went to the store and saw that Duracell batteries were on sale just before Valentine`s Day. Someone is a marketing genius.
Due to unforeseen circumstances, I will only be jingling "part" of the way this year, as usual ur patience is appreciated.
My RSVP : I`ll be attending your wedding alone but consuming enough cake and alcohol for at least two.
“A body at rest tends to stay at rest” should be an acceptable excuse for missing work.
I love Halloween because it`s the only night of the year I may end up getting drunk with Batman and going home with a cheerleader.
Fact: 96% of all arguments end with somebody saying “Google that shit!”
I think today I`ll stalk my stalker, just to shake things up a little.
So many idiots, so few nuclear warheads....
Alcohol is never the answer...unless, of course, you ask what I`ll be doing tonight.
Who decided that the abbreviation for pound should be two letters not in the word?
Next time I go to Hooters I`m ordering milk.
Dear Boyfriend, Your wallet was getting fat so I thought I’d take it out for some exercise. Sincerely, your Girlfriend.
I think they put less beers in twelve packs these days.
Don`t worry, kids. Being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.