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When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you?
This headache feels like dumb people
This is bullshit. It`s like the cops don`t even know that the speed limit is different when you`re listening to AC/DC.
That awkward moment when you open a fortune cookie and all you get is some vague, cryptic statement that`s not even a fortune.
This Halloween, the only Candy I`m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
You heard me right. I said:"Lets agree to disagree." It`s much more polite than:"Whatever, bitch."
Sleep is for the people without access to Internet.
How dare you incinerate that I don`t know big words.
Dear naps, I`m sorry I was such a jerk to you as a kid.
Famous words from Fergie... "Boom Boom Pow!" Happy 4th of July!!
It`s fun to chant "Bloody Mary" three times into your car`s side mirror while driving at night and watch her jog to keep up
It doesn`t matter if you don`t like my personality... I have several more!
I just don`t understand why Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell car insurance.
My coworkers sending dirty messages to other coworkers when I leave my computer unlocked is why I have trust issues. ... and dates.
I`m sorry. . . I didn`t mean to stare. . . it`s just that I have never seen stupid of this magnitude up close before