Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My email notification is a cricket sound that drives the wife crazy looking for the cricket. Winning!
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall (he also had a pretty good summer too).
This is a test of the emergency broadcast system. Were this to be an actual emergency you’d be screwed, because no one takes this seriously.
Apparently putting Alka-Seltzer in my mouth while getting baptized and pretending I’m being possessed by the devil is not funny.
I am at the gym! Well, the parking lot. They have free wi-fi.
"Rise and shine” is probably the most depressing thing a shoeshiner hears in the morning.
Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place to have sex.
Never trust a man wearing more than 0 necklaces.
A high-pressure hose will usually stop a coworker from showing you any more baby photos.
I don’t mean to brag but when I’m at the Taco Bell drive thru placing my order, I don’t even look at the prices.
In the 60`s we took LSD to make the world look wierd. Now the world is weird and we take Prozac to make it look normal.
Anything you say will be used against you, in an argument, 10 months from now, because I’m a woman. And we never forget. Anything. Ever.
Going to the toilet without your phone is like going to war without a gun
If you reach your hand into a woman`s purse, it crosses into a parallel universe containing everything but the one thing you`re looking for.
LIFE HACK: Answer your phone "Hello you`re on the air" and 99% of the time people will just hang up