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When I say "I cleaned my room", I usually mean I made a path from my door to my bed.
I hope someone I hate hears their first Christmas song this year in October.
I`m gonna open a bar and name it Rehab.....
I am actually impressed by what Lance Armstrong has done. When I was on drugs, I couldn`t even find my bike!
A plus side to being my friend is that you can come to my house in your pajamas and I won’t judge you because I too will be in my pajamas.
When I die I want my body donated to science, but more specifically a scientist who is working on bringing dead guys back to life…
"I wish people would start doing ice bucket challenges again" - said no one ever!
Ran out of toilet paper, so I had to use leaves. Just kidding, but my son learned a big lesson about leaving his clothes on the bathroom floor.
pumpkin for sale, slightly used
Pizza: 73% delicious, 27% also delicious.
If Kutcher went to Sheen and said It`s still your show, this was all a joke and yelled "You got Punked" it would be the greatest prank ever.
I found the key to happiness ... Stay away from a$$holes.
If I`m guilty of anything it`s loving you too much. Oh and indecent exposure...I suppose trespassing too.
If I laugh randomly when you are talking to me, don`t worry, the voices are telling me jokes.
Imagine my disappointment when I discovered a "Booby Prize" really wasn`t boobies at all...:(