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I can`t understand why women are okay that JCPenney has an older women`s clothing line named, "Sag Harbor."
Please either stop being so attractive or make out with me, it`s your choice.
With everything going on lately... I`ve got a lot of serious thinking to do! Oops....Did I say "Thinking".... I meant "Drinking"!!
All the noises I used to make during sex, I now make getting up in my truck.
I hate it when I walk through a metal detector, and my abs of steel set it off.
I walked into the bar sober with $42 & walked out drunk with $42. But you`re right fellas, men are smarter than women.
I was jogging earlier and...LMAO, I`m sorry...I can`t start a status with such ridiculousness.
I just realized that when I murder someone my neighbors will describe me as "quiet"
Hot singles in your area are dating each other while you sit alone staring at your phone.
You can call someone who makes prosthetics a professional body builder
Why get married when you can just drive into oncoming traffic?
My New Years Eve = Hangover 4
I love Costco. You don`t go there thinking you`re gonna buy a 12-pack of watermelons but you`ll probably leave with one.
Yesterday my Supervisor asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don`t think you`re supposed call people that any more."
If your pet has its own FB page, it might be time for a reality check...