Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don’t want to go to work. There are people there.
It’s fun to pull someone’s leg… but don’t ever pull their finger.
It’s all fun and games until they reply to your text with a phone call.
Dracula had impeccable hair for a guy who couldn’t see himself in a mirror.
I seem to start my day backwards. I wake up tired and I go to bed wide awake.
I was gonna call you... but I`m still sober.
Be the best you can be, while being the worst that you`re able to get away with.
boss: why are you peeing on the floor? mikeski: i already filled up your coffee cup.
Just saw a guy driving while eating ice cream. F*cking sundae drivers.
I went on two diets because there wasn’t enough food on just the one.
The downside of being a bomb disposal technician. It takes 6 hours to open Christmas gifts.
Nice try, self-checkout lane. There`s not even any mirrors.
The problem with coffee is trying to make it when you haven`t had any yet.
I just called my boss and told him I have explosive diarrhea. It’s my day off, but I like to keep him informed.
I’m going to be very busy in the afterlife. the list of people I’m going to haunt grows everyday.