Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I sleep better when I`m naked why can`t my boss understand this?!
Just did 100 crunches. Crumbs everywhere.
As a community service, I send random inmates letters how my life is going to cheer them up.
Getting over body issues is a like getting over a fear of heights. The trick is not to look down.
Man, that .01% of germs that can´t be killed by hand sanitizer must be some bad a$$ sh!t
Hey ladies, you know that feeling you get when you roll over & realize you made a horrible mistake? I could give that to you every day.
Watching MTV Cribs makes me feel better about downloading music off the internet.
Admit it, you have that one voice that you only use on animals and babies.
Do you think that the guy that invented the breathalyzer has any friends left?
Bored, so I’m going to find a kid that looks like me and tell him I’m him from the future.
Sometimes just to annoy my therapist, I ask him, "So how does my lack of progress make you feel?"
My grocery cart right now says ” I’m getting drunk and doing laundry tonight!” And also. “I like fruit.”
Sometimes, I question my sanity ... Sometimes, it replies
It`s time to take the next big step in my relationship by popping the question to my girlfriend ....will you get me a beer :) (<>..<>)
No one will ever look at you the way I do ... But thats probably because no one will ever do it from the tree outside your window