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You`re as useless as a referee in the WWE
Did you ever notice that the doctor’s bill is always a lot more readable than the doctor’s prescription?
When your life flashes before your eyes does that include the black outs? That`d be cool. Like your life but with never before seen footage.
The ultimate act of trust is buying your spouse a gun, and then showing them the correct way to use it.
The word “fireplace” really reveals the creativity of our ancestors
I start to feel really anxious when my work piles up. I never know what to ignore first.
Can someone make a voodoo doll of me and send it off to the gym?
Apparently this dude at the mall was just tying his shoe and did NOT want to play leap frog. My bad, dude. My bad.
When do you take 5 hr energy? Right when I get off work ..12am!..beer here I come!
Got a new blood pressure monitor, says it turns off after 6 minutes of inactivity .....
I just ran a .003048K
Never buy crystal meth from a guy with a full set of teeth. He`s obviously an undercover cop.
Some people wonder why I never like or comment on their posts. It’s because I unfollowed you a long time ago.
Sign in a grocery store: Take lettuce from top of stack, or heads will roll!
When I`m bored, I send a text to a random number saying, " I hid the body, now what?"