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Why don’t we just take the safety labels off of everything and let this stupidity problem solve itself?
Dumped my multiple personality girlfriend yesterday. She took it well, not so well, and she was really upset...
Is it polite or rude to slide a note into the bathroom stall next to you that says, "heard you farting but it`s ok you`re in the right place :)"
The hardest part of being a gentleman is going to all of these gentlemen’s clubs.
If I were invisible I`d go beat up a street mime...the applause he would get would be incredible
"Ramen". - Scooby Doo, finishing a prayer
cavemen were posting on walls before it was cool
I`m glad I`ve got boobs. The last thing I need is people making eye contact with me
I`ve been single so long now I don`t remember what it`s like for someone to be mad at me for something I didn`t even know it did!
I`m just saying it might be a good idea for Liam Neeson`s to take his family members to the vet and get them microchipped.
Whenever I meet a new girl, I introduce myself by shaking hands with my left hand. I don’t want her to meet her competition right away.
To a cop, doing donuts in a parking lot has a whole different meaning.
If we aren`t meant to have late night snacks then why is there a light in the fridge.
The Best Excuse given by a Lady for Missing Work ! "My husband took an overdose of Viagra.....Couldn`t leave him alone with the Maid"
Putting ketchup on steak should also affect your credit score.