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Lets face it we have all tried to get something done before the microwave timer goes off.
Today I discovered that two wrongs definitely don`t make a right. Tomorrow I`m going to try three.
Just belted the dog in the drivers seat and pushed the car up to the drive-thru window
"Grapey." -me after every wine at the wine-tasting
Getting up in the morning is like writing an essay. You want to do it, it takes a lot of effort, and you usually quit halfway through.
Very excited to announce I`m on the market and actively looking for someone new to make me miserable
Good news I passed my drug test today. But now my drug dealer has some explaining to do.
is a mystery you´ll never solve
Why does Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell insurance. Is there something dirty about insurance we should know about?
Being normal is boring.
"YOU WANNA TAKE THIS OUTSIDE!?" I yell to my husband as I hand him the trash.
I`ve done it in the bathroom, I`ve done it in the bedroom, I`ve done it in the kitchen, on the couch, outside, in the bus, yoo I just can`t seem to stop this texting.:)
The biggest lie I tell myself is “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it”
I want to take this moment to thank the depends adult diaper company for allowing me to play my video game for a strait 8 hours uninterupted...
I end a sentence with `just saying` because ending with `dumba$$` would be offensive.