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My iPhone autocorrected "wish you were here" to "wish you were beer" ...I sent it anyways.
Any psycho girls wanna hang out? Just text me like 5000 times and let me know.
I have found that the best work from home occupation is a bartender
Lots of us suffer in silence. You should try it.
E-Cigs. The great taste of water vapor, the cool look of blowing a flashlight.
500 + friends... and not one of you saw where I put the remote?
If you can’t celebrate Valentine’s Day with someone you love, celebrate it with alcohol and pizza.
"Let`s eat, get drunk and watch people exercise" - sports fans
I hate it when you can’t find your phone because you left it someplace stupid like in the car or your non-dominant hand.
"Why?" - Socrates and four year-olds
Did you know that DNA actually stands for "National Dislectic Association"
You`d think my password was "yourmom" because the computer said it was too easy.
I was enjoying our conversation. Until you started talking....
If he only wants you for your breasts, legs, and thighs; Send him to KFC by SIMO
1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance – My stages of getting ready for work