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I`m sure the fellow below don`t have big feet :(
SCARY BUT TRUE: statistics show that everyone who’s ever used a cell phone will die
When they say: "Wow, you`re really photogenic." What they mean: "Wow, this looks nothing like how ugly you actually are."
I`m an organ donor, but I`m pretty sure all they`re going to use my liver for is "after" photos.
That awkward moment when you run into someone and there`s no where to hide
If you ever want to watch a women feel herself up for ten minutes, hide her cellphone.
If you have a tattoo on your face, you`ve lost the right to ask me what I`m looking at.
Dating would be a lot easier if the opposite sex had a tail. That way, I could see if it was wagging or not after I did or said something.
Getting over body issues is a like getting over a fear of heights. The trick is not to look down.
I should probably be in a relationship just for the supervision.
Bring me the heads of my enemies!! or some cupcakes ... whichever.
I got in touch with my feminine side today... I made myself a sandwich.
You can`t fix stupid, but you can always drink more beer.
I really just need a vodka cranberry and a slap on the a$$. Hold the cranberry.
My boss hates it when I shorten his name to Dick. Especially since his name is Mike.