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Most of being an adult is marveling at the date and saying how fast the year is going by.
Ah Friday my second favorite F Word
I feel like a piece of corn in the digestive tract of life ~ I`m going through a lot of crap but I`m sure I`ll come out whole.
I hate it when I walk through a metal detector, and my abs of steel set it off.
When I hear someone say, "chicken pot pie," I get excited three times.
Me:"I had a dream about you." Girlfriend:"Awwwwww." Me:"Yeah, you died."
When will vegeterians stop eating my food`s food??
Life is what you make it = 10% Shit happens = 90%
Facebook - the place where you can whine and get likes for it...
Letting my dad play Angry Birds on my iPad is like showing a caveman fire.
Tequila is Spanish for Iām open to waking up anywhere.
I only say "bless you" twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume it didn`t take and you`re a demon who must be destroyed.
For our next trick, we should hack into North Korea`s TV system and put Jersey Shore on repeat...
Whenever I want a klondike bar I just pay for it.
Hello... Modeling Agency? Ya, my selfie just got 34 likes I think I`m ready to go pro!