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MTV canceled Teen Mom, so it`s like they had those babies for nothing.
Yawning is our body`s way of saying 20% of battery remaining
You can test my patience all you want, but I’m never going to pass.
I get a little nervous eating cucumber in a single woman`s home.
Dear autocorrect, at no point in time have I meant to say "I`m affordable" instead of "I`m adorable".
Any hedge can be a maze if you are drunk enough.
Ever get out of the shower and not remember getting a towel ready but its there anyway? You`re welcome.
I took a nude photo of myself ... With the light off ... You`re welcome.
Life is just a series of obstacles preventing you from taking a nap.
I`m starting to think I overuse exclamation points. It ends today. Right now. I`ll never ever use one again. I`m so excited about it. Yes.
80% of my life is pulling percentages out of thin air and stating them as facts...
Be nice to people on your way up so they won’t get suspicious when you’re rich and you invite them to your island to hunt them for sport.
According to the 19 citations I got for trespassing and peeping, “neighborhood watch” isn’t what I thought it was.
Do you think people will start blaming auto correct for there marriages breaking down?
One man`s LOL is another man`s WTF