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I did 26 situps this morning. It’s not a lot, but then again, how many times can someone snooze an alarm clock ?
Ill be in my office giving co-workers the silent treatment ..by sending them blank emails.
I`m glad I learned about parallelograms instead of how to do taxes. It`s really come in handy this parallelogram season.
I thought the voices in my head actually liked me until I found out they learned sign language just so they could talk sh*t about me.
good boys go to heaven bad boys go every where
I can`t decide what`s more embarrassing - the fact that I still live out of a suitcase, or that I`m a professional ventriloquist dummy.
If every porkshop was perfect, we wouldn`t have hot dogs.
Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left then turn to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
You know you`re getting old when you have to have a drink to motivate you to go out & have a drink.
likes beer. On occasion, I will even drink beer to celebrate major events such as the my birthday or the fact that that it`s Monday.
A child`s purpose is to help their parents relearn the states and capitals.
roses are red, violets are blue, god made everyone beautiful, what the hell happened to you?
Coffee? I`ll have a cream soda ... One cup of coffee and I`m up all afternoon.
You`re really cute, can I suck the life out of you? - women
awesome collection!