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To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present....They are due back at the library today.
I don`t understand why people go to the gym all the time... everything there`s so heavy.
I kind of feel like getting some work done today, so I’m just going to sit here until that feeling passes.
It`s hard to diet when your favorite exercise is chewing...
To be fair, if I had a friend who could turn water into wine - I’d worship him too.
The girl in the car next to me is totally checking me out. I think she likes me. After I`m done picking my nose, I`m gonna smile and wave.
I don’t need a reason to do stupid things, just a venue.
I love arguing with you so much, I`ll bring a Ouija board to your funeral.
The iPhone 6 looks pretty cool, but it still lets people leave voicemails, so they apparently haven`t worked out all the bugs yet.
If karma doesn`t hit you, I gladly will.
what is the first thing a homeless person does when he`s on a computer? he searches through the recycle bin
It’s 2015, why cant you unselect a floor in an elevator yet?
I´m not cheap, but I am on special this weekend. ;)
Apparently putting alka seltzers in my pockets while getting baptized and pretending I`m possessed by the devil is not funny.
The grass is always greener where the bodies are buried.