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You never know a person until you walk in their shoes, or until you check their browser history.
Don`t judge if you don`t know me. Unless you`re making my pizza & you say "This guy looks like he wants extra cheese" then please do..
Dear Noah, we could have sworn you said the arc wasn`t leaving until 5. Sincerely, unicorns.
My husband is not allowed to help with math anymore. Apperently 4 = 6.5 in his reality.
Whoever said your harshest critic is yourself was clearly never married.
The question isn’t who is going to let you; it’s who is going to stop you.
Pretty much always 3-5 seconds away from just laying down wherever I am.
It`s called Wal-Mart because the Center for Disease Control was taken.
Find someone who is honest, laughs when you make fun of them, and then give each other orgasms.
Sometimes it`s easy to forget we would all violently murder each other if we couldn`t obtain basic food or water. Have a great day guys.
I have a PHD (Pretty Huge d*ck)
So who the heck ever buys the middle grade of gasoline?
What did the blanket say as it fell off the bed? Oh sheet.
I wish there was a reality show where people learned grammar.
I feel sorry for people who take everything way too seriously.