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A snail can sleep for up to 3 years. I didn`t know it was even possible to be this jealous.
I`m a wealth of knowledge ... Unless you want it to be true, then I`m pretty solid on about 6 topics ... 2 of those might just be Doritos flavors
If there`s one thing I`ve learned, it`s that I should have learned some other stuff.
Look, if your cart is in the middle of the aisle and I need to get by, then yes, this is bumper cars.
"I got this." Translated: I most certainly do not have this, but prepare to be thoroughly entertained.
No, Iām not funny. Iām just really mean and everyone thinks Iām joking.
Am I the only one who thinks my body should have better things to do than make nipple hair?
How long do I have to stand in front of the microwave for to become a member of X-Men?
At what point will this meal make me happy, Ronald?
Even if women came with an instructions manual men still wouldn`t read it.
Vaginas are like the weather. When it`s wet, it`s time to go inside.
My advise to all the young people out there, "Do not grow up; it`s a trap!!"
Women my age expect a man to have his sh!t together by now. Time to start dating younger women.
Let this be known as my Living Will. I do not wish to be cremated. If the Zombie Apocalypse happens I would like to be a part of it.
Odd Fact: The names of characters in Inception are: Dom, Robert, Eames, Arthur, Mal and Saito. Note the first letters = DREAMS.