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It`s Thanksgiving. Don`t forget to set your scale back 25 lbs
My neck, My back, My Netflix and my snacks...
Whoever has my voodoo doll, please scratch between my butt cheeks..I`m in public.
Good thing all the `Five and Ten` stores closed... They were nickle and diming us to death.
Love means never being able to like another girl’s selfie on Instagram ever again.
Bumper stickers are helpful for recognizing members of society you do not want to associate with.
Behind every beautiful woman, is a beautiful behind.
Sometimes, when people are talking to me, I daydream about what they would do if I suddenly punched them in the face.
This is my first status of 2017. Yeah, I thought it would be better too.
Yea...sure! I was hoping someone would come and stand uncomfortably close to me today
With great power comes great electricity bill.
That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything and all you can think is "act natural, you`re innocent".
I have high blood pressure, but my dogs don`t. So, from now on I`m only getting upset about squirrels and mailmen.
Give a man a beer and he wastes an hour, teach him how to brew, and he wastes a lifetime.
i havnt seen any status`s about ninjas lately.... well played ninjas