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Was the little pig who decided to built his house out of straw some sort of f***ing idiot?
Sometimes I don`t go big just so I can go home.
Consumer confidence is at an all time high, and so am I.
Fun Fact: Even though they call it a "man hole", you can shove women and children down it just fine.
Women say they love a man in uniform but when i go clubbing in my McDonalds uniform none of them will talk to me....I`m confused
If I had to choose between Star Wars and Star Trek, I`d probably choose vodka.
Dear Santa: I have been good for the past week or so. Lets just focus on that.
Soup of the day: Tequila.
I may be delusional but at least I`m going to Mars in November.
Tip for Sunday Church: Don`t forget to keep your phones on silent, especially if your ringtone is `I like big butts and I do not lie!`
my stomach just growled and it sounded like it said... `Droid`....
Iām holding cheerleader tryouts for my fantasy football team.
I need chapstick on my lips ... anyone want to share ?
I have read so much about the dangers of drinking and smoking, that i have decided to quit reading
Somebody just gave me a free air guitar..... No strings attached