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You wouldn`t believe all the cool stuff I find when I`m under my bed playing.
I just saw a giant spider in my room so I sprayed it with hairspray. It`s not dead, but its hair looks fabulous.
PLEASE - put this on your status if you know someone (or are related to someone) who has been eaten by dragons. Dragons are nearly unstoppable and, in case you didn`t know, they can also breathe fire. 93% of people won`t copy and paste this, because they have already been eaten by dragons. 6% of people are sitting in the shower armed with fire extinguishers and the remaining 1% are awesome and will re-post.
My coworker`s inspire me to drink on the job.
Whoever is in charge of making sure I don´t do dumb stuff is fired.
My innocent look never works in the nude.
No Girlfriend November was a success, now for Don`t Date December, Just Me January, Forever Alone February, No Match March..... I got this.
Sometimes, when people are talking to me, I daydream about what they would do if I suddenly punched them in the face.
Why can`t Miss Piggy count to 100? Cuz` when she gets to 69, she gets a frog in her throat!
Frankly auto correct,I`m getting tired of your shirt.
Just heard about this teacher who had sex with her student. Another reason I won`t send my dog to obedience school
Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.
I`m switching to Metric. I would weigh a lot less on the Metric scale.
Sometimes you have to photoshop your life. Touch up edges, adjust the tones, blur the background, focus on yourself & crop some people out.
Drinking Tip: Never buy the first round cause that`s when people care what they`re drinking!