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To those that manufacture and market tight, thin yoga pants to fit college girls; I love you man.
Porn is so unrealistic. There`s no way a guy with a ponytail could have a house that nice.
My home security system is a series of paintings with the eyes cut out.
for some reason my plans to workout never work out
We`re all here because we`re not all there...
Another day, another chance to make someone say, "Oh, now that`s just WRONG"...
Are you thinking what I`m thinking? ... F**king pervert. I`m calling the cops.
I`m celebrating 1 year of sobriety today ... I think it was 1989 ... Cheers!
i wish i could sleep ... but my damn A.D.D. kicks in and basically 1 sheep, 2 sheep, cow, turtle, duck, Ol McDonald had a farm, HEEEY Macerena.
I bet strippers look forward to that feeling of getting home and wearing a bra after a long day at work.
The key to a woman`s heart is making her laugh...just make sure she`s not laughing at the size of your junk.
I tell my kids that the Titanic sunk because Jack and Rose had sex before marriage
There are plenty of fish in the sea ...That`s cool and all....but I`m a human.
According to my roommate`s diary, I have boundary issues.
My motto for the night ... drink till I no longer think :)