Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
There are two types of people in the world: 1. People who understand and appreciate sarcasm. 2. Morons.
One time I asked some girl what she was thinking. By the time she finished her thought we had 2 children.
I had a Dr. appointment this morning. He asked me how many beers I drink. I held out my hand and said this one is only my 4th, I`ll call you back later with the total.
Four out of five voices in my head are saying this is gonna´ be a great day.
I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness, so I don’t intimidate you..
In my porno they`d deliver the pizza after they had sex because otherwise it`d just get cold.
Dear facebook, please quit asking me what`s on my mind. Eventually I`m going to get in trouble if I keep telling you.
Ironically the only way I`d watch the 50 Shades of Grey movie is if you tied me to a chair and forced me to.
Dr. Seuss could have been the greatest rapper ever.
All I’m saying is you don’t see many neck tattoos on Jeopardy.
If I were to give up Sarcasm, that would leave interpretive dance as my only means of communication.
My new girlfiend is taking forever to exist.
Man cannot live on bread alone ... hence beer and stuff.
When you are a kid, it makes you feel proud when someone says "Wow! You`ve gotten so big since I last saw you!" As an adult, not so much.
Whoever said “There is nothing as precious as a child’s laughter” obviously never fell down a flight of stairs in front of his kids.