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Dear therapist, I might actually come see you if your job title didn`t spell out “the rapist” Sincerely, not lying down.
Telling someone they shouldn`t be sad because others have it worse is like telling someone they shouldn`t be happy because others have it better.
If your dog weighs less than 10lbs, it`s technically a cat
Happy July 22nd! Today isn’t a holiday, but you’re alive and well, so why not celebrate?
Do women who complain about never getting laid know about men?
If you`re able to roll over in your grave, you should save that energy for yelling and digging.
I don’t need a reason to do stupid things, just a venue.
The best way to make a bad day better is by adding alcohol.
Horoscope: Slightly fatter than you were yesterday
Unless you fell off the stairmaster and a barbell fell on your face... no one wants to hear about your workout.
In case I drink too much and pass out for a while, Happy New Year you guys.
You never know how dirty a song’s lyrics are…until you hear a child sing them.
Why do they even offer 2014 as an option when selecting your birth date? Like you’re fresh out of the womb ready to join Gmail.
I am Looking for a Bank which can offer me these Two Services..... .Give me a Loan & then Leave me aLone. :)
I know you’re supposed to have 3 balanced meals a day, but how many can I have at night?