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Sawing a hole in the bottom of a table to steal someone`s cake is way harder than it looks on cartoons.
My password is SupermanHulkThorGoku, that`s the strongest password I can think of.
A wireless bra? They weren`t tricky enough, now I need a password?
Remember kids, the Toys R Us bankruptcy and liquidation teaches us that poor spelling and grammar will always catch up with you eventually.
I just had a moment of clarity. Glad that`s over with.
If I had to choose between Star Wars and Star Trek, I`d probably choose vodka.
Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
I love how twix come with two bars so I can eat one now and the other immediately after
If it was the other way around, I doubt one cat would take in 23 old ladies.
Turbo Tax might just be the worst video game I`ve ever played.
I just ate 3 whole chickens ... they were hard boiled.
How can I learn to be more patient? (I`m only interested in quick-fix solutions with immediate results please)
Breasts are like model trains. They were originally meant for children but grown men always want to play with them.
The hardest part of parenting is standing idly by while your children build a mediocre couch fort.
Nobody talk to me until I`ve Instagrammed my coffee.