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Hendrix didn`t need to twerk on stage. He performed the old fashioned way, relying only on his musical talents and near lethal doses of LSD.
The first rule of Right Club is that your wife is the only member of Right Club
Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me, it means a lot.
Writing "Omg you guys are still friends after what she said about you???" on every group photo of girls I see on Instagram
I walked into SeaWorld with a fishing pole once. I gotta tell ya, those security guards can really run.
I put a bumper sticker that says "Honk if You Think I`m Sexy" on my car. Then I wait at green lights until I feel better about myself.
I’ve noticed the less open-minded someone is, the more open-mouthed they tend to be.
The average power nap is 20 minutes. This works out well because I can fit 3 of them evenly into one hour.
I thought about exercising all day long. I am so exhausted.
Why isn`t Wendy`s girl fat? You would think that someone who eats so many Baconators, chicken sandwiches and other burgers, would be quite the porker by now.
No matter how many lives you have in Candy Crush, you’ll still never get your own back.
12 year olds having sex ? Im sorry when i was 12 i was to afraid to pull my foreskin back incase my d*ck fell out.
People don`t call each other jive ass turkey enough nowadays.
"Iyam A. Wii Todd" <-- Bet you can say that name out loud, in a crowded place, and really fast!
Me: I only smoke weed because of Cancer. Mom: You don`t have Cancer! Me: So it`s working...