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I always say, "morning." Instead of, "good morning." If it were a good morning, I would still be asleep in bed instead of talking to people.
The loudest possible way to open a bag of chips is to try and do it quietly.
I`m lost, no wait..... Yep, lost for sure
My arm fell asleep, which is understandable, considering how boring the rest of my body has been.
The problem with the general public is that it`s made of people.
What are nuts on a wall? Walnuts. What are nuts on the chest? Chestnuts. What are nuts against a chin? Blow job.
I`m 0-9 on finding secret rooms behind bookcases.
If I ever get off this couch, I’ll be unstoppable.
I don`t let my friends do stupid things... ALONE
This is how my week goes: Mooooooooooooonday Tuuuuuuuuuuuuesday Weeeeeeeeeeednesday Thuuuuuuuuuuursday FridaySaturdaySunday.
I need to stop lying to myself ... This bag of Reese cups will never make it to Halloween
Well another funny thing about this status is, by the time your done reading this, you realize it talks about absolutely nothing and you just wasted your time. Welcome to Facebook.
I dont hate you but, if you put `just about to jump off a cliff` as your facebook statuses i would poke you
My neighbor put the box his fridge came in on the curb for trash pickup. Guess who has a new fort!
Just discovered an app that tells you which one of your friends is stupid. It`s called Facebook.