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The only problem with teaching little kids to share is that sometimes they want some of my stuff
And we all have that one friend who has more blonde moments than an actual blonde.
I hate it when the movie trailer is better than the movie itself.
Facebook taught me to mind everyone else`s business.
You have your whole life to be an a$$hole...are you trying to use it all up in one day?
Yo! My friend won a trip to China. He´s out there now... trying to win a trip back.
We need to DETACH from all this technology and live life in the moment. Sent from my iPhone
It’s amazing how everyone cries for free speech until someone says something that they don’t like.
Every day is St. Patrick`s Day when you`re a drunk who likes to pinch people.
What doesn`t kill you, makes you stronger... except for lions, lions will definitely kill you.
The hardest part of carving a pumpkin nowadays is finding some newspaper to spread
A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s…That’s because she changes it more often.
My doctor said I need to drink more water every day, so I have started putting ice cubes in my vodka.
When I "rage against the machine" the machine is usually a printer.
I really think my life would be a lot better if my fitness app would just lower its standards