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Why I don’t like people: 1% logical reasons. 99% just because.
I`m so hungry I could Instagram a horse.
Facial recognition software can pick out a person in a crowd, but this stupid vending machine at work can`t recognize my dollar bill with a bent corner...
People with multiple personalities should donate one of them to people who don’t have one.
I won’t come to your party unless you have an animal I can spend the whole time hanging out with.
Still don`t understand why you can`t end a company-wide email with, `Later b*tches.`
When my dog sniffs another dog`s poop I can only assume that it`s their equivalent to checking a friend`s facebook page.
Why did you have to take a half naked picture in front of a full length mirror to show off your new haircut?
My husband woke up this morning with a HUGE smile on his face. I love Sharpie markers.
why me is me ?
I`m not sure who looks more frightened & confused when someone knocks on my door, the dog or me?
You`ll notice you never see sweatpants with "Classy" written across the butt.
Organized people are just to lazy to look for things.
Really, 6 more inches of snow today. My front yard is getting more action than me.
Does running out of money count as exercise?