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Why do people with really bad breath always want to tell you secrets?
Welcome back to plastic surgery anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces here today.
You notice how no faith-healers have stepped forward to help out with the ebola crisis in Africa......
Deadliest Catch and Jersey Shore - two reality tv shows about catching crabs
FACT: If you want to keep a secret from me, put it inside a Facebook event invitation.
Its never polite to ask the guy at the next table "are you done with that?" Especially when he`s breaking up with his girlfriend.
Perhaps we should hold elections on the last Friday of November, with polling stations at Walmart, Target and Apple
Iām mad, but not as mad as someone asking to see the rules in the middle of a monopoly game.
I only call them yoga pants because Netflix and eat leftovers pants was too long.
Did you know? If you were to watch all of the Saw films, it would take you 666 minutes?
Yes officer, I know my driving is not 100% perfect, but you have to agree that it is still pretty good for someone who is completely drunk.
never tell a lie...unless it is true
Today I caught myself thinking of you and smiling... but it was because you had a booger in your nose the last time I saw you.
People really need to get with the times. Smartphones are not for talking anymore.
Pretty impressed at petrol station today, as i was filling up, i heard woman with truck at next pump say is that Vin Diesel, I smiled, then realised she meant Van Diesel :-/