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The best moments in life are the ones you don`t tell anyone about.
My dentist told me I need a crown. I was like I KNOW, RIGHT?
Radio Shack has stayed in business with a name combining something no one buys anymore and a type of building no one wants to go into.
Why do I get the feeling that a lot of you are using Facebook as a substitution for prescription meds?
Sarcasm. Because communicating with morons is hard.
I’m always frank with my sexual partners. Don’t want them knowing my real name.
My grandpa has Alzheimer`s, so I just keep telling him he owes me twenty bucks.
Facebook account for sale, Friends included...
Think about how much more stressful life`s most stressful moments would be if accompanied by the running-out-of-time music in Mario Bros.
Most difficult job ever.......Working in a bubble wrap factory......Imagine the self control needed.
Hey ladies breastfeeding in public,…Why don’t you ever smile in my pictures?
People who say "I hate to bother you" need to learn to hate it a little bit more.
Breast awareness month: we stare because we care
For some reason I`m an extremely secretive person. Don`t ask me why
School was so much easier when 2 plus 2 equaled 4 instead of "X." Whoever decided to involve the alphabet in math deserves a solid punch to the face.