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That microwavable meal was delicious and filling! – no one ever
Nothing improves creativity like a lack of supervision!
I feel like I`m not getting the full experience of a gas station bathroom if I don`t cut and dye my hair and change my identity.
I hide from people too, so I get it bigfoot, I get it.
Not to brag, but I don`t even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.
Let`s all play a game: For every political post, you must post 5 non political posts. #makefacebookhappyagain
Sea levels aren’t rising due to global warming. They are rising due to the increase in obesity. The continents are actually sinking…
There’s always that last setting on your windshield wipers that makes you go “damn, calm the f*ck down!”
Let`s share...you take the grenade and I`ll take the pin.
Nothing screws up your Friday more than realizing it’s only Tuesday.
You make me wanna be a better stalker. No, seriously. Slow the f*ck down.
My new dating profile just says "I`m tired of masturbating."
Every photo taken inside my house has at least one laundry basket in the background.
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey but i turned myself around and THAT`S what it`s all about
Not to brag, but I still owe Blockbuster $2.00 for not rewinding Weekend at Bernies.