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People who are about to tell you something then say "never mind" are the reason why I sometimes admire serial killers
"F@ck It" has gotten me through a lot of situations.
I hate when a couple argues in public but I missed the start and don`t know whose side I`m on.
Told my kids next time I take their electronics away I`d also be responding to all texts they receive. They`ve been well behaved since.
In wine there is wisdom. In beer there is strength. In water there is bacteria. You decide.
I`m not lazy, I`m in energy saving mode.
His idea of cleanliness is sweeping the room with a glance.
If you think nobody cares if you´re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
Just watched The Grey. The wolves left half the Mexican .. to spicy??
Im afraid to go outside or even sit next to a window during an lightening storm. Im afraid that I`ll get zapped! I`m scared that God is gonna get me!!!
Only awesome people are allowed to ‘LIKE’ this status!
Tampon commercials create an unrealistic expectation of how much fun it is to be around menstruating women.
Hey ladies, tired of your man complaining about how long it takes you to get ready? Start blow drying your hair in the nude. I promise no more complaints.
In order to avoid hating myself in the morning, I sleep till noon.