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You never know what you are missing,until you clean your room.
The olympics is the only time when you hear "Great execution by North Korea" and it seems okay.
This dishwasher sucks. It`s already ruined three of my paper plates.
Keep talking; someday you’ll say something intelligent.
So you think you can study with your facebook activated? That`s cute! ^.^
The girl in the car next to me is totally checking me out. I think she likes me. After I`m done picking my nose, I`m gonna smile and wave.
If thought bubbles appeared over our heads, I would get punched in the face a lot more.
Sarcasm is funnier when used on people who don`t understand it.
I have a pornographic memory... Go ahead and get naked, I`ll remember you.
I am fluent in three languages: English, Profanity, and Sarcasm
Insomnia improves your math skills. You spend all night calculating how much sleep you`ll get if you "fall asleep right now".
I`ll always be here for you ... Unless we run out of beer, and someone has some over there. Then I`ll be over there for you.
Remember to always be yourself. Unless you suck.
Found a note on my door today that said ”You’re Awesome!” ... Yes, I wrote it yesturday. But still, the truth is the truth.
Laugh now but at the rate they are reproducing, the people of Walmart may one day take over the world.