Daily Silly Status

Screw it, I’m starting Friday now.

Maybe early risers just aren’t as awesome at sleeping as I am.

Has anyone ever seen a gorilla in the mist? Some of the local drivers struggle to see my car in perfect daylight conditions, so I doubt that they`d spot a Gorilla in limited visibility!!!!!

You know you are old when your parties have glasses instead of red plastic cups.

Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest they are too old for it.

If a Police Officer says, Anything you say will be taken down & used as evidence... Your answer should always be, Please don`t hit me again officer...

I can’t afford Disney World so we go to the biggest hill on my street and my kids wait an hour before I roll them down in my office chair.

Teacher: what comes after 69. Little Johnny: Mouthwash. Teacher: Get out!!!

I find if you sprinkle some bacon bits on a salad, but don’t actually add any salad, then its a pretty good salad.

Confuse your coworkers today by telling them you`re going to the restroom to do a "number 3"

I bet the creator of the artificial heart is pretty pissed that we still use "sliced bread" as our basis for great inventions.

i didn`t know i had a facebook account until now

I may be too old to cut the mustard, but I can still cut the cheese.

Ever notice how many friends you have when you pull out a pack of gum?

Everyone wants their kid to learn to walk until exactly 30 seconds after their kid learns to walk.