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Vodka is just amazing water.
Just watched a woman in front of me walk face first into a telephone pole because she was too busy looking at her phone. I could’ve given her a heads up, but then I wouldn’t have been able to watch her walk face first into the telephone pole.
Cashiers are always checking me out.
I have found that the best work from home occupation is a bartender
There`s no life problem that a good "F*ck this shit" can`t solve.
Lazy Fact #69302246777573 - You were too lazy to read that number.
Men are a lot like kids, if you want to shut them up, put a boob in their mouth.
My inner child has a bottle of vodka in one hand, a whip in the other and a broken halo sticking out of her back pocket.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did, not screaming for their lives like the passengers in the back of his truck
Abaaabbbbaaabbbaabbbaabb..... Long time no ` C ` ; P
you know what`s funny? Obviously neither do I or I would have posted it.
"Don`t try this at home"...Okay, i`ll try it at my friend`s house..
I was filling out this form when one of the questions asked "What level is your maturity?" I didn`t fill it out cause I couldn`t find my crayons!!
The number of things that are *NOT* rocket science is staggering.
You want to see Americans become activists? Cancel a TV show they like.