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Step 1 - Change your Wi-Fi password to "blowmefirst." Step 2 - Wait for someone to ask you for it.
Trying to learn Mandarin Chinese but the amount of money I`m spending on fortune cookies is getting ridiculous.
My credit card company says I have an outstanding balance. Iām flattered.
Here`s how I gained 27lbs of muscle in 5 weeks: Lying.
The only person whom a woman listens carefully & follows sincerely & does exactly as he says is a photographer
This "NORMAL" you speak of, doesn`t sound fun at all.
All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or married.
Let`s face it. Seeing a camel toe in leopard print tights at Walmart is probably the closest any of us will ever get to going on an African safari.
Judging by the amount of times I accidently cut myself on sharp objects it`s probably just as well real lightsabers aren`t available yet.
Give up, itsy-bitsy spider. It wasn`t meant to be.
I don`t have a drinking problem ... I`m just really thirsty.
Relationship status: Just got screamed at for peeling the carrots wrong.
God: Is there anything else you need Adam? Adam: yes I want a Sandwich! God: Ok let`s create eve.
Im just waiting for the day for Ashton Kutcher to go to Charlie Sheen and say "its stilll your show. YOU JUST BEEN PUNK`D!"
Like a good neighbor,I don`t really care.