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The guy below me obviously doesn`t know that R2-D2 is in movies, not television
Dear Noah, we could have sworn you said the arc wasn`t leaving until 5. Sincerely, unicorns.
I wonder if one day somebody will knock on my door and say to me, “Hey ,we have 7 mutual friends in Facebook; may I come in?"
Seeing a spider isn`t a problem. It becomes a problem when the spider disappears.
Don’t ask me to kill a spider for you & then criticize my methods. Yes, I had to use a samurai sword, & no, I’m not sorry about your table.
Hi, im _____ but you could call me sexy.
The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. At least, that`s what the restraining order says.
Shopping for bridesmaid dresses with 5 other women, today. If you never hear from me again, I committed suicide by nail file.
Just changed my wireless network name in my apartment to "I can hear you having sex through the ceiling and it sounds mediocre."
I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain realizes what I`m doing.
You know it’s cold outside when you go outside and it’s cold.
gave up trying to understand women years ago. Women understand women and they hate each other.
You got your chocolate in my peanut butter!
There’s gotta be a better use for the part of my brain that remembers every word to “Baby Got Back.”
Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for — in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.