Daily Silly Status

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider doing it.

I`m not a psychologist,,, but I remember when a Hot Wheels track magically cured 80% of ADHD

I was asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently, "A way out" wasn`t the right answer.

You know your phone can take pictures of other people too right? Just checking.

I don`t know what is longer. A microwave minute or a treadmill minute.

The only 2 things that I love and enjoy about being an adult is having sex and drinking alcohol.

Maybe it`s inappropriate for the first date but if there`s a maze on the menu I`m asking for crayons.

Three words to ruin a woman`s ego. "I can`t tell."

No matter which path you choose, there will always be some asshole in front of you trying to make a left.

"Does this dress make me look fat?"-- Now, what I SHOULD have said was, "No, dear! You are little black dress approved!" but what came out was, "When did your bum move to the front?"

I was halfway through a recipe when I read the instruction "Now chill in fridge for at least two hours". I only managed 30 minutes. I was freezing.

I know its true love when I like you even when I`m sober.

One man’s potato is another man’s vodka.

If the zombie apocalypse happened in Vegas…would it “stay in Vegas”?

You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn`t come back, what you`ve lost is a normal pigeon.