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I`m amazed at how much better my life has been since the iOS 7 update. I bet it would be even better if I owned an iPhone.
I think my front door faces the wrong direction. People keep finding it.
I don`t have a smartphone I have a phone that shows potential but doesn`t apply itself
If anyone could read my mind I`m pretty sure they`d be traumatized for life.
I love my six-pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat.
He died doing what he loved: telling me I`m overreacting.
Slow dancing with a fat girl? More like moving a fridge by yourself.
I`m pretty sure by now “lazy” is just part of my personality description.
Turtles make an awesome jogging buddy.
Being an adult is mostly waiting to leave places you didn`t want to go to in the first place.
This one time, I got trapped inside a couch cushion fort for like 47 days cause I forgot to put a secret door on it.
Remember before we met? I miss those days.
U.S.A.... where people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke
once you delete your birthday from Facebook, you realize no-one ever gave a sh!t about you all along!
i didn`t know i had a facebook account until now