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They should make a medal for anyone who uses an entire tube of chapstick without losing it.
Valentines day
Remember the good old days when LOL meant "Laugh out loud" and not "I can`t think of a good reply"?
People keep asking me what my resolutions are, like they can`t see I`m already perfect...
If the shoe fits, wear it. Unless they`re not yours. But you can still were them. It`s just a road test, after all.
If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and looks like a duck then it could be a dragon doing a duck impersonation.
When I see a cute couple making out I yell, ” I knew you’re seeing somebody else!” and run crying.
I believe in sharing the road with other drivers. They can have the part behind me.
I don’t understand why drunk me always seems to have more money than sober me.
Whenever somebody said they did something "Like a Boss" I assume that they did nothing but took all the credit for it.
Hangovers are nature`s way of grounding you as an adult.
I went by the Gym today. Its the third time this week............. One of these day`s I might actually go in.
I just don`t think a partridge in a pear tree would make a great gift
You find it offensive?... I find it funny.... That`s why I`m happier than you
Are you still bored? Head over to Walmart, take a box of condoms to the checkout clerk, and ask where the fitting room is.