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What happens in Vegas never happens to me.
I hate grocery shopping. That`s why I just steal a full cart when somebody turns away. I never know what I`m getting, but it sure is faster.
Carrots are a great thing to eat when you are hungry and want to stay that way.
I put "extremely organized" on my resume and I don`t even remember what folder I saved it in..
I believe pizza delivery cars should be allowed to use sirens
I don`t care if you`re here to murder me - we take our shoes off in this house.
Every time you get dressed remember that, if you die, that`s your ghost outfit forever.
If I`ve offended you in the past, please accept my apology, and shove it up your a$$.
I will die on a white floor just to mess with the chalk outline guy.
Knock knock Who`s there? Control Freak. Now you say "Control Freak who?"
Shake up a random soda pop in the company fridge today. You deserve it.
Does anyone have a good recipe for homemade gasoline?
I`m just like the ghostbusters, except I chase squirrels around my neighborhood with a vacuum cleaner
There should be a law requiring you to explain what gluten is before you’re allowed to complain about it.
Emails from your boss assigning you work do not qualify as cyber bullying. I checked.