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Door bells should be made illegal in commercials. Pet owners know what Iām talking about.
I enjoy shopping online because at least I don`t have to act all shocked when my credit card gets declined.
I`m afraid to hug fat girls....what if they`re hungry?
I have every episode of Hoarders saved on DVD.
Forget resolutions, Imma just say from now on... TGIS "Thank God I Survived" ! :)
My safe word is "Make sure we don`t go over the hour. That`s all the cash I got on me."
There are a lot of side effects to smoking weed. Like never shutting up about the fact that you smoke weed.
Why can`t Miss Piggy count to 100? Cuz` when she gets to 69, she gets a frog in her throat!
Answering your cell when you don`t recognize the number is like picking up a hitchhiker.
You know what the trouble with jogging is...by the time you realize you`re not in shape for it, it`s too far to walk back.
You know who your true friends are when they call you at 3AM just to tell you they love you and that their drunk...
Nothing is impossible.. Never Give Up.. I know a guy that once actually guessed correctly why his girlfriend was mad at him.. :|
Hubby wanted to start the new year out with a bang - So I shot him..
A sure cure for sea-sickness is to sit under a tree.
She caught my iphone before it hit the ground... She`s definitely my screensaver