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Worry: a waste of imagination.
I`m always surprised how quickly "you`re so funny" turns into "everything is a fcuking joke to you." (usually about 3 months)
I like to sit outside on campus at night in my 1940s clothes and when people say things to me, I say "You can see me?"
Fun things to do in Walmart: Take the ``try me`` stickers off of the toys & place them on condom boxes.
Every year new words are added onto the dictionary, yet no new positions are added to the karma sutra.
I`m in hospital after eating what i thought was onions instead they were daffodil bulbs. Its ok doctors say i will be out in spring.
I thought I wanted to get married again. Then I laughed and remembered why I shouldn`t think.
Dating should be like buying a car... You should get to talk to the previous owners! SHOW ME THE MANFAX
I can come up with plenty of ways to do nothing.
I`m easily influenced... That`s why I try not to watch too much porn
I`m gonna hang a Batman outfit in my closet to screw with myself when I get Alzheimer`s.
The most dangerous drinking game is seeing how long I can go without coffee.
The zoo is a pretty safe place to fart.
If my memory gets any worse I`ll be able to plan my own surprise party.
I admit ive been known to wrap bacon in bacon just for the extra bacon flavor