Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Bologna sandwiches are parents way of saying... it`s my legal obligation to feed you something.
You’d think “attractive neighbor leaves curtains open” would appear in more real estate listings.
Just when you think you have the answer a woman will be there to change the question.
Note to self: Next time, don`t use "continue" as the Safe Word.
I tend to say “I dont know” when I’m too lazy to think.
That kid looks like me. Somebody should warn him.
Game of Thrones characters should have to wear jerseys with their names on the back
You know you are getting old when people keep telling you how young you look.
That awkward moment when you`re telling the truth, but start laughing like crazy and everyone thinks you`re lying.
I wonder if Batman knows that other cities have crime, too.
My family is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you`re gonna get but you can be sure there are gonna be some nuts in there somewhere.
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
I don`t get nearly enough credit for managing not to be a violent psychopath
Bands who can`t afford a smoke machine should hire my girlfriend to cook at their concert
Worst part about getting a phone call is the 12 seconds you can’t use your phone as you wait for it to stop ringing.