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Doctors and scientists agree on the benefits of an afternoon nap, yet still my boss thinks he knows better. Ridiculous.
Apparently, walking up behind a girl in the produce isle with celery in my hand and saying "I`m stalking you" was much funnier in my head.
"I have to go eat cake now", should be a perfectly valid reason for leaving a social occasion where cake has not been provided.
All milk is breast milk.
I just responded to a text message with: I can`t hear you, you`re breaking up.
Sometimes I order fajitas at a restaurant just to get more attention.
The worst about the weekend?? The ending part.
I`d take Cap`n Crunch more seriously if his eyebrows weren`t on his hat.
People should be required to pay an extra dollar for every syllable of their coffee order.
A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means that, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon!
You never know how dirty a song’s lyrics are…until you hear a child sing them.
Figuring out that you`ll probably never figure it out is the first step of really figuring things out.
I`d explain it to you again but I`m fresh out of crayons and puppets
Research shows that 100% of the time when someone says “oh no she didn’t!” she most definitely did.
A sure cure for sea-sickness is to sit under a tree.