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My life is a constant battle between my love of food and not wanting to get fat.
I`m all over that like a fat kid on a Smarty
Hump Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You guys are even more beautiful now that I`m wearing my "wine glasses".
You know it’s going to be a bad day when your horoscope starts with… “Are you sitting down?”
You`re the reason why I believe in condoms.
If I’m not eating I’m most likely not happy.
I’m at the age where all my posts start with the phrase “I’m at the age where.”
I have a PHD (Pretty Huge d*ck)
All i ever see on facebook is LBR, TBH, LMS, and all that other crap...
never realized how awkward it is to study the reproductive system in a coffee shop.. until now.
Is food porn star a thing yet??
The only reason I offer to be the designated driver is so people will get used to seeing me load lifeless bodies into my car.
Little known fact: Walt Disney was the inventor of modern day text talk "M - I - C... C u real soon... K - E - Y... Y? Because we like u"
FYI: I`m never gonna tell the person I`m meeting up with that you said hi.