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Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "Oh dear, this is going to take more than one night."
happy 3rd birthday to the tartar sauce in my fridge
Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until ALL the birds have gone South for the Winter.
It`s never too late to follow your dreams. Unless your dream is to be a child actor, in which case yes, it`s too late.
Pool party at my house, bring ur own pool..
If an officer asks “do you know why I pulled you over?” “Because it’s the only way to get girls to talk to you” is a bad answer, apparently
Facebook is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves.
All the advantages right-handed people have are cancelled out when we have to do our banking at the drive-up ATM left-handed.
Some people are like rain clouds. Once they f*ck off, it`s a beautiful day.
I`m a crabby a$$ bitch before my coffee ... and after
I miss being in a relationship. Could 1 of you girls come over here and yell at me, treat me like shi t and not sleep with me? It might help.
If at first you don`t succeed...Do it the way your wife told you to. ;)
I`m only materialistic when I shop at the liquor store.
If you still wear a Calculator watch, my guess is you don’t need it to add up all the ladies you get….
Going to make pizza for dinner!! Ingredients Required: Phone, Menu & Credit Card.. Ohhh I can smell it cooking already!! ;)