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I`m amazed at how much better my life has been since the iOS 7 update. I bet it would be even better if I owned an iPhone.
One trenta cheeseburger please.
Some people just need sympathetic pat.........on the head........with a hammer
Why isn`t a menu board at a coffee house called JavaScript?
thinks the voices in my head are out of beer.
My daughter wants to know when the hamster we "planted" in the garden will start growing.
I’ve never had angry sex. I’m always happy and quite surprised that it is actually happening.
If every porkshop was perfect, we wouldn`t have hot dogs.
I hate it when I get too drunk and just kidding I never hate getting drunk!
Jack and Jill Went up the hill To have a little fun. Jill, the dill, Forgot her pill, And now they have a son.
Boy: "Life`s a bitch, so is my Girlfriend." Girlfriend: "Life`s short, so is his d!ck.
People that are organized are just too lazy to look for things.
Underachieving Sunday through Wednesday, overachieving Thursday through Saturday.
One fun way to describe Facebook is “imagine you are a mind reader in Walmart.”
Wal-Mart: Because going to Target requires a shower.