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You can pretty much text anything as long as you put a happy face emoticon afterwards. You`re a slut :)
You know you are paranoid when you think this joke is about you.
Ah man... i don`t have any notifications... better go check another computer
*Learns sign language to keep arguing with boyfriend while giving the silent treatment*
I was enjoying our conversation, but then I stopped talking and the whole thing got really boring.
Changing a whole text message just because you didn`t know how to spell one word?
Reasons why I never let my girlfriend touch my iPhone. 1) I don`t have iPhone. 2) I don`t have a girlfriend.
My day at work wasn`t easy, I just made it look that way!
I’ve been that, done that, had that, lost that, needed that and felt that. Just a few of the many reasons why I always drink to “that”.
Somebody told me I need adult supervision. I was like "I Know!" It would be awesome to be able to see through walls and shoot lasers out my eyes.
I bet there`s a rapper trying to figure out a way to replace his teeth with LED lights
If you need Facebook to remind you it`s your wife`s birthday, I hope you own a comfortable couch.
The phrase "use of the jerk-off motion is prohibited" has been added to our HR manual because of me. It`s like winning an award.
All these women on the 48 dating sites I`ve joined, seem so f*cking sad and desperate.
I can`t seem to convince these dogs & cats that I don`t need their assistance in the bathroom.