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not to brag but I finished this 14 day diet in 3 hours and 38 minutes.
Oh and BTW,,, Why haven`t Pig Pen`s parents been visited by child services yet?
So vegetarians eat vegetables... I think I`m going to play it safe and avoid humanitarians.
I hate it when I`m in a crowded elevator and yell out "GROUP HUG!" and people look at me all weird and stuff.. Making friends is hard.
Live today like it`s your last!! But pay your bills and use a condom just in case it isn`t.
Good news: I can still do a full split! Bad news: It wasn`t on purpose!
There are no problems which cannot be solved through suitable applications of high explosives.
I think a good gauge of my personality is that I watch Homeland to relax.
I`m sorry baby, but me & you are not going to work out. We are going to watch tv.
I used to think i was good at multi-tasking. Turns out its just my multiple personalities doing one task at a time.
1, 2 FreddieΒ΄s coming for u 3, 4 better lock the door 5, 6 grab your crucifix 7, 8 gotta say up late 9, 10 never sleep again
Be thankful for Facebook, the way gas prices are headed we may never actually see each other again.
This girl is ignoring me like a check engine light.
take a left on crazy, keep going until you hit insane. Follow that down to lunatic, turn right on insomnia, way past retarded and there you are @ my place!
I`m getting really irritated. This is the tenth ATM I`ve been to in the last week that`s had "insufficient funds".