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A good husband is like a bra. He should be supportive and help support your burdens, but mostly he`s just there to touch your boobs.
Maybe Oscar wouldn`t have been so grouchy if the people on Sesame Street cared about the fact that he`s homeless
To ensure you never cut yourself while chopping vegetables, get a friend to hold the vegetable.
Whether you`re a woman or a straight man, taking a bra off is likely to be one of the high points of your day.
If I’ve learned anything from Game of Thrones it’s that I need a wolf.
If at first you don`t succeed, try drinking a shot of Vodka while you do it. You`ll be amazed of how much less you care.
Adam and Eve were the first people to agree to the Apple terms and conditions without reading them.
Pro Tip: If you are under the age of 35, don`t get married. If you are over 35, don`t get married. If you are 35, don`t get married.
It`s Sunday or as I like to call it, "No pants day".
A man is as faithful as his options
The invention of the shovel was groundbreaking!
I just don`t understand why Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell car insurance.
What do you call an alligator wearing a vest? An investigator. Hahaha I’m so sorry. No I’m not.
I wish that just once, the clerk would just put the Monopoly money in the drawer and hand me a receipt
My husband told me he needed more space ... So I locked him outside.