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Based on the sounds coming from my neighbors house, they`re either having amazing sex or putting together a dresser from Ikea.
Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza
If you live in a custom-built house that doesn’t have a secret room hidden behind a fake bookcase, then seriously what is the point?
I called one of those numbers in the bathroom stall and my wife answered. Very funny guys.
Still waiting for a "Where are they now?" episode about the Flintstones
You can’t call them “love handles” if nobody loves you
I`m pretty sure the phrase "Did I say that out loud?" is just a way of adding an exclamation point.
I watched the deleted scenes from a porno last night. Turns out he ended up fixing the washing machine after all.
Pretending to be nice is exhausting...
You are not stupid, I just think you have bad luck when thinking.
I`m at the age where if someone says "Go big or go home," I`m usually fine with going home.
The club sandwich, for when a knuckle sandwich just isn`t enough...
Being married is like having the freedom to do whatever your wife tells you.
i just opened a fortune cookie and it started with the word unfortuneatly
Why do people walk by and say "Hi, how are you?" but they don`t stop long enough for you to reply!