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When I was younger, it was wine, women & song. Now I am older, it`s beer, the old lady & TV!
So apparently the numbers on the toaster are minutes? I`ve thought for years it was degree of toasty-ness.
I`m not sure what my spirit animal is, but I`m sure it has Rabies.
I think today I`ll stalk my stalker, just to shake things up a little.
You mean.. people run? On purpose? When nobody is chasing them?
Remeber that time we came to work and we were excited? Me neither.
Good things come to those who wait ... Which explains why I`m always late.
People are way less judgmental when you say you had an "avocado salad" instead of saying you ate a bowl of guacamole.
My favorite part about your rant on how much you hate social media sites was when you posted it from a social media site.
Shout out to all the girls who don`t have to dress half naked to get a mans attention. Stay classy! And the rest of you come with me.
The most frustrating thing about watching Nascar is that they never signal
B!tches be trippin ... OK, maybe I pushed one.
Putting your finger on someone`s lips and saying "Shhhh... Not another word" is super-romantic. But the cops didn`t think so.
YOU ARE NOT THE BOSS OF ME is not a good thing to say to your boss.
Are you always this stupid or is today a special occasion?