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Sometimes late at night, I dig a hole in the back yard to keep the nosey neighbor`s guessing.
I`ve spent my whole life trying to find a girl with a psychiatric disorder that makes her think she`s a woodpecker.
I’m gonna make this girl mine….. Right click, Save As….
"Slow and steady wins the race." Unless it`s one of those weird races that puts an emphasis on speed
I`m surrounded by sex addicts & alcoholics...So glad I found you all.
The recipe said "prick with a fork,",,,, but enough about me.
Women are like squirrels, very cute from a distance but will fight like hell when you try to pick them up and get them in your car.
Sometimes I spend whole meetings wondering how they got the big meeting table through the door.
I answered the door in my underwear. That WAS the tip, pizza guy!
My neighbours are loud and obnoxious. Now I know how Canada feels.
If life is unfair to everyone, doesn’t that make life fair?
I`m awkward when people compliment me. "Nice hair" "Thanks, I grew it myself"
Would it be wrong to ask a one-eyed person if it really was "all fun and games" up to that point?
Bored? Simply send a text message to a random number saying..."I`m Pregnant!"
You can always tell if a guy masturbates a lot by looking at his hands. If you look closely, you’ll see a wedding ring.