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Cauliflower is just broccoli ghosts.
If you`re out running in jeans, I`m gonna go ahead and assume you just participated in a felony.
Does this green St Patrick`s Day beer count as a vegetable.
“Swearing is unattractive” I’m not attractive anyway so f*ck off
Today is the day I go back to the gym. Tomorrow is when I stop telling lies.
My house isn’t dirty, I just have everything on display.
I`ll be back before you can pronounce actillimandataquerin altosapaoyabayadoondib ab!
Traffic jams are more tolerable if you just think of them as really boring parades.
I’ve noticed the less open-minded someone is, the more open-mouthed they tend to be.
Long time ago I used to be young and handsome.. Today? Just handsome
Wife: I wish we could have sex like we used to... Husband: Do you mean with other people?
Keep honking. I´m reloading.
Not only am I a master of suspense, but I...
I’m going to start wearing Summer’s Eve as a cologne. The vast majority of beautiful women seem to be attracted to douches.
Nothing says you mean business more than putting on a bib before you eat a girl out