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Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza
At a four way stop, it`s obvious that the vehicle bearing the most duct tape goes first.
"Good for you!" means, "I do not consider you a threat" in woman-speak.
Why is maple syrup so expensive?.. It grows on trees doesn`t it?
Nothing says `I dont take you seriously` like your dog wagging his tail when you are yelling at him.
Life is Hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.
1. OMG will this ever end? 2. OMG will this ever end? 3. OMG will this ever end? - top 3 things on my mind when I`m in a conversation
People who actually rate porn videos are the unsung heroes of our generation.
People who describe things as "better than sex" are obviously having the wrong kind of sex.
I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell.
I just want you to be happy…and maybe a little bit naked.
Why does no one ever talk about where a bear pees?
If someone found a legit way to make penises bigger, no one would believe them.
My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy. I came back drunk.
My favorite in-laws are the ones that don`t exist.