Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Ain’t no sandwich when she’s gone.
And for my next magic trick, I`ll walk down a street and turn into a bar.
By the power vested in me and by this case of beer, I now pronounce these three loads of laundry as one.
It`s not difficult to tell crocodiles and alligators apart. One will see you in a while whereas the other will see you later.
Work like you don`t have proof of citizenship, Love like you were on a reality TV show, and dance like you were being thrown 100 dollar bills at
I used to have superpowers but the psychiatrist took them away.
When I`m happy, I drink and when I drink, I`m happy. Win/Win!!
I remember when going viral meant having to tell several people they better get tested.
I went for a run tonight. Sure, it was a beer run, but I did break a sweat.
I just lost another hour trying to figure out how to reset the clock in my car.
The only thing I`ve learned from scary movies is to avoid pale children
I`m not saying you`re stupid; you just have bad luck when it comes to thinking.
I wish that life had an option for viewing other available episodes.
I want my children to have all the things I never had so then I can move in with them.
I don`t understand interventions. What`s the point of being told I drink too much by a room full of the reasons I drink in the first place?