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Well today I turned 26, not because I wanted to, but only because Facebook limits how many times you can actually change your birth year !
Benefits of dating me: 1. You`re the smart one
I am the bestest at the English language...
I am losing Facebook friends at an alarming rate. Whatever it is that I said, is working like a charm.
if your an astronaut, and you don`t end a relationship with "look, I just need space.." then your wasting everyones time
Bathtub` spelled backwards is still `bathtub`. It`s not, but for a second there, you believed me.
According to the 19 citations I got for trespassing and peeping, "neighborhood watch" isn`t what I thought it was.
I`d fight a bear for you. Well, not a grizzly or a brown bear. But maybe like a care bear. I`d fight one of those sonsabitches for you.
Mcdonalds Drive thru: Do you want a girl toy or a boy toy? Me: You have those here?!
If I knew how to backflip, I`d never walk anywhere.
If you`re wondering about who the oldest James Bond was, don`t google `old man bond age`
I hate getting paid and being broke all in the same day!! :(
Liven up any boring conversation by telling people you have a glass eye and then watch them try and figure out which one it is.
Every so often you come across a person who always smiles no matter what, that person is the reason why random bitch slaps should be a thing
Sometimes I just sit and run my fingers through my lovers hair. It`s a nice way to let them know my love and also that we`re out of napkins.