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Iām beginning to believe that successful relationships come down to Netflix compatibility.
You can`t fight Destiny. Because if you try to fight Destiny, then you have to fight the bouncers and the rest of the strippers too...
If you think I hate you ... I probably do.
Being skinny might be nice, but having pizza is nicer.
You`re the kind of friend I text when I`m pooping and need something to do.
If you want to set up a company and run it then that`s your business.
Every boy band song should have a part where they realize they`re singing about the same girl & get mad at each other.
Targeted ads are trying to sell me a new mattress nowadays. With how much Google knows about me you`d think they`d cap themselves at something like $5 footlongs or stationary.
The worst thing about rich people is I`m not one of them.
This Kit Kat commercial is making some awfully big assumptions about both my generosity and my number of friends.
The secret to happiness is a good sense of humor and a bad memory.
Clearly skinny jeans are easier to obtain than skinny genes
I forget, how much tequila goes in mashed potatoes? Now that`s funny, I don`t care who you are. Oh, don`t copy that part. I mean this part. Oh hell!! Your going to copy and paste the whole thing anyway ;)
I need a job that pays at least 10,000 dollars an hour.
The Best Excuse given by a Lady for Missing Work ! "My husband took an overdose of Viagra.....Couldn`t leave him alone with the Maid"