Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If I go missing this holiday season and there’s a big search party out looking for me, you can save time by not looking at the gym.
My doctor told me to start watching what I eat. What channel is the Pizza Network on?
Mother mosquito: Hey kiddo, how was your first flight? kid mosquito: Great mom! Everyone was clapping for me.
Top uses for Golf Balls: 1. Describing hail storms 2. Describing tumors 3. Playing golf
I had to leave the bowling alley right in the middle of the game. I didn`t have time to spare.
I think Tampax and Hershey`s should get together and offer a super pack....
Note to self: don’t set your password reminder as “you should know this”
I don`t have to run faster than the lion, I just have to run faster than you.
Dear middle finger, Thank you for sticking up for me.
Apparently, I`m the only one that wants to drink beer at this intervention.
When people say, "You look familiar," i like to reply with, "Do you watch porn?"
Since it is the day to give thanks, I would like to say once again...you`re welcome.
My friend said the only vegetable that could make him cry was an onion. That was before I hit him in the face with a watermelon.
I sneak alcohol into work because I`m a problem solver.
You know that look women get when they want sex ? ..........me neither.