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Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. Im pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
If I could have sex with anyone, living or dead, I`d probably pick living.
2 words, 1 finger.
It hurts when you go to unfriend someone and you find they`ve beat you to it!
I`m really good at making poor decisions. You`re my favorite so far.
I don`t know what is longer. A microwave minute or a treadmill minute.
The most dangerous drinking game is seeing how long I can go without coffee.
I just ate 3 whole chickens ... they were hard boiled.
Confucius would have been great at Status Updates......
It`s hard to trust people. Even the blind prefer to be guided by dogs.
Cats would be even more stuck up if they knew how much the internet loves them.
I`m no super genius, but I bet the most effective way to lose "baby weight" is to have the baby.
"Has anybody ever seen a chicken fly? No? Good, there`s nothing wrong with ya"
Building the city on rock and roll was probably the wrong move from an engineering perspective.
Trying to master the art of eating a powdered donut without looking like I just left Charlie Sheen`s house.