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Doing pretty good so far on my 1500 calorie a day diet as long as I don`t eat anything else today and tomorrow.
So much to say. So not drunk enough to say it.
I heard Disney bought and are relocating the White House to Disneyland. They Say, it will be the new Center Piece of FANTASY LAND.
I know you seen me continuously push the "close doors" button while you ran to the elevator. Now it`s just awkward
"Oh wow, it`s a fruit cake! I`m going to eat some of it right now" ...said no one ever.
Remember, Christmas is over if you sit on a strangers lap now and ask for stuff it`s because you`re a whore.
Why is it that flies can get in your car so easy, but can`t figure out how to escape with all the windows down.
Life is Hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.
One time I threw a boomerang and lost it, now I live in constant fear.
How come dogs aren’t ticklish?
Remember bad decisions make the best stories!!!
I`m astounded at how fast my "I survived Ebola" t-shirt got me to the front of the Black Friday lines this year..
This is supposed to be funny but I got nothing but do me a favour and like this...Yeah, okay, IM DESPERATE -.-
A company has announced a new service where you carpool with strangers. It`s a new cutting-edge technology called "taking the bus."
Friends who buy you food are friends for life.