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Two days is not enough time for a weekend.
It`s hard to make your coffee when you haven`t had your coffee.
Stop screaming, lady. All I said was `this is how pornos start`. It`s just elevator talk.
There are many different ways one can save energy, but my favorite by far is this recliner.
How do people rap? I can’t even talk without messing it up.
I dance like people wish they weren`t watching.
Sometimes I`ll catch my reflection in a mirror and I`ll be like, "oh no, that can`t be right."
I’m pretty much always down for a snack.
It`s only a 4 way stop if each driver can read
My math is never so quick or exact as when I see an old flame with a child.
When I say "It’s a long story," it doesn’t mean it’s actually a long story. It means I just don’t want to tell you.
... and so begins another failed hundred or so attempts at trying to write the correct year on anything I date.
My New Years Resolution for 2015 is to stop being so impatient.
The heart wants what the heart wants. *opens 12th beer*
Do you ever get the feeling that you`re being watched? Because if it`s bothering you, I`ll stop.