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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

I`m not shy. I`m just being quiet because I know that if I open my mouth to speak, a flow of never- ceasing, insulting comment directed at you will immediately spew from within me.
The only dates I get are updates.
What if aliens only abduct crazy people, because nobody will ever believe them?
Here Friday Friday...come on...hurry up! Oh no you don`t! You come when I call you damn it! Get your a$$ over here. ... good boy!
Life is so unfair, why do we always want what we don`t have? For example, right now I want tacos
Make your day more fun by going up to a stranger and asking "Hey, how have you been since the amnesia?"
Felt like being Bad today, like an Outlaw Bad, felt like doing something illegal, so I ran through the house ripping off all the Mattress Tags..... Come and get me Coppers, but you won`t take me alive.......................
I love asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because I`m still looking for ideas.
Dear future boyfriend/girlfriend, where the hell are you?
When a pizza guy comes to my door, I like to answer wearing the same uniform as him and holding a pizza.....and then insist that he called me
I`d like to share my innermost thoughts and feelings with all of you, but I`m afraid they`ll be used against me in court someday.
Sometimes, I`m offended at how easily offended some people get.
I`m glad the Eclipse is over so I can go back to staring directly into the sun.
So many fun things to say ... too many relatives on Facebook to post!
"My place is a mess" - Every girl, ever.... "Well in that case, I`m not coming in" - No guy, ever.