Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Pepper spray: The perfect way to end an annoyingly long conversation.
My boss just asked me why I wasn`t working.. ..i told em cuz I didn`t see him coming
"Don`t make me regret this." -things I think when accepting a friend request.
I’ll drink responsibly when there is a brand of vodka named Responsibly.
I`m getting really tired of being really tired of stuff.
People keep asking me what my resolutions are, like they can`t see I`m already perfect...
Went to my friends house with my girlfriend today. As we walked in I noticed her phone automatically connected to his wifi. That f*cking slut.
Felt like being Bad today, like an Outlaw Bad, felt like doing something illegal, so I ran through the house ripping off all the Mattress Tags..... Come and get me Coppers, but you won`t take me alive.......................
Hedgehogs would seem far less adorable if they had more relevant names like `Stabbyrabbit` or `Weaponrat`
I know that somewhere in the Universe exists my perfect soul mate, but looking for her is much more difficult than just staying at home and ordering another pizza.
For the record "Wanna do it?" is not foreplay....
Man, the first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.
I like going into McDonald`s and ordering an Egg McMuffin and a McChicken, just to see which one comes first.
Every time I lose some weight, I find it again in the refrigerator.
Despite its name, Gatorade is pretty much fatal to alligators. I’m not allowed to volunteer at the zoo anymore.