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I just got gas for $1.79... Unfortunately, it was at Taco Bell.
why call it ordering pizza and not the pursuit of happiness
It is only when you see a mosquito landing on your testicles that you realise that there is always a way to solve problems without violence
I`ve found if you tuck one part of a pants leg into your sock, people expect less of you.
If anyone could do it, it wouldn`t be called PROcrastination.
I really need a day inbetween Saturday an Sunday
Relationships are like yard sales. They look good from a distance, but once you get there it`s just a bunch of sh!t you don`t really need.
The Fourth of July was an annual reminder of how useless my dog would be in a war.?
I was going to exercise this morning, but then all the sprinkles would fall off my cupcake.
If idiots could fly this place would be an airport.
The only b word you should call a woman is beautiful. B!tches love to be called beautiful.
If you slept with my husband I`d be like "OMG how much do I owe you?"
Just because I`m nodding my head at appropriate times while you`re talking doesn`t mean I give a sh!t about what you`re saying..
I don`t mean to brag... but I`m a pretty damn good peek-a-boo opponent
Sorry I drunk dialed you at 10am.