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As often as I lose lighters and sunglasses, it`s a good thing I never had kids. Or did I?
I try to live my life by the saying: “You scratch my back and I’ll let you know when to stop.”
The right man will love you unconditionally, will be loyal, and will always be happy to see you. ... Oh wait, That`s my dog. My dog does that.
I ate gummy bears and didn`t bite off their heads or make screaming noises as they entered my mouth and I think this means I`m an adult now.
Lets be honest. Half of life is messing up and half is frantically trying to fix it.
Sometimes I think these Kardashians are just doing stuff for the attention.
Adding "and sh!t" to the end of a sentence to make it sound cooler and sh!t.
Plot twist: name your pets after passwords.
At the Touch of Love..Everyone Becomes a Poet !
But..At the Touch of Breakup Everyone Becomes a Philosopher... ^_^
Some guy waved to me and then walked up and said, “Sorry, I thought you were someone else.” .... I said, “I am.”
If you feel like you’re about to punch someone, take a deep breath. Then exhale as you punch to get more power.
I like my coffee like I like my men: caffeinated, made of beans, muscular, tousled hair, you know what, I don`t really know how to do this..
“That’s funny” is something I say when I can’t even fake a laugh.
Trying to understand some people is like trying to pick up a turd by the clean end.
Boobs make me forget about all the bad things in the world.