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My kids keep bugging me about dinner even after I told them I already ate...
You never realize how boring your life is until someone asks you what you like to do for fun.
I find it most unfair that the dentist in this neighborhood hands out toothbrushes for Halloween but the pharmacist doesn`t hand out drugs.
If you play any Taylor Swift song backwards you`ll hear messages from the devil, however even worse........... if you play it forwards, you`ll hear Taylor Swift
What doesn`t kill you makes you stronger. Except for bears. Bears will kill you.
should probably get my daily dose of calcium.. white russians it is
Felt like being Bad today, like an Outlaw Bad, felt like doing something illegal, so I ran through the house ripping off all the Mattress Tags..... Come and get me Coppers, but you won`t take me alive.......................
You actually have friends? Yeah bro, all 10 seasons on DVD.
Women are so silly sometimes, thinking men actually care if they fake it.
Everyone`s self worth should only be measured by how useful they would be in the zombie apocalypse.
A budget is just a method of worrying before you spend money, as well as afterward.
Nobody wished me a happy birthday today, which isn´t surprising really, since it isn´t my birthday.
I would know if I was insane, the voices would tell me.
If we aren`t meant to have late night snacks then why is there a light in the fridge.
Some of you are like family to me. I don’t want you calling me either.