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All I`m saying is one of us is right and the other one is you.
That microwavable meal was delicious and filling! – no one ever
I just can`t seem to get a girlfriend even though I can speak two languages fluently. English and Klingon.
I found $80 in my jeans. The kid in me says "Buy Nerf guns and candy", but the adult in me says "Buy vodka, Nerf guns and candy".
thinks that decaffeinated coffee is just useless brown water.
I`m not the type of person you want to put on speakerphone.
Comcast is doing home security now so if your house is being robbed they will get the police there on Tuesday between the hours of 8 & 12.
Somewhere, right this minute, someone is reading this sentence.
If a man repeats everything a woman says, word for word,,,,,,,, is he still wrong?
Someone once said, “Find a job you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.” So, I’m pleased to announce the grand opening of my titty squeezing business!!
If your dog is fat, you’re not getting enough exercise.
Serving size ?? LMAO
I`d love to drown my problems... I just can`t get my spouse to go swimming!
Plastic surgeons are the only people that actually encourage you to pick your nose.
Starbucks isn`t really that expensive compared to how much Victoria`s Secret charges per cup.