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I used to date a girl with a lazy eye, but she was seeing someone on the side.
Big shout out to all the spiders not building their webs at face level.
Hello is this HP? I’d like to make a return. I ordered a Laser Jet and you sent me a printer.
It’s that time of the evening where my beer bottle has magically turned into a microphone again.
Alcohol increases the Send Button size by 89%.
Having sex is like doing FRACTIONS... It`s IMPROPER for the larger one to be on top.
Dear future husband, here’s a few things you need to know If you want to be my one and only all my life. I will not be an ex wife .. only a widow
When everything is coming your way ... You`re in the wrong lane.
that annoying manager who thinks they are god ... you are not ... you are a douche box
I wish these people who sing songs on the radio would learn the words to the song, they keep messing me up!!
I am fluent in three languages: English, Profanity, and Sarcasm
If you died and went to he!l, how long will it take you to realise that you aren`t still at work?
I`ve never been a fan of multi-tasking or quite frankly regular tasking.
When I was younger my dad showed me pictures of why to wear condoms during sex. The funny thing is, they were all pictures of me.
is sick and tired and tired of being sick and sick of being tired!