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Some call it alcoholism, I call it "keeping my emotions hydrated"
I didn`t get a chance to do yoga this morning or any other morning of my life.
If I could choose any one mythological creature to become alive & real, I`d have to pick: My girlfriend.
People hate the truth. Luckily, the Truth doesn`t give a $#!t.
Relax,,, We`re all crazy.. It`s not a competition.
Apparently, the answer "I Know" is not a good answer when your friend tells you how good his girlfriend is in bed
I changed the audio of my GPS to a man`s voice. Now it just says "It`s around here somewhere. Keep driving for a little while."
Doing absolutely nothing on the weekends has started to feel more fun than actually going out.
Some people think I say inappropriate things...I perfer to think of it as being f*cking honest.
m for Monday t for Tuesday wtf Wednesday Thursday Friday get it wtf
The best thing about hand sanitiser is that when you put it on, it looks like you are plotting to take over the world.
I just saved a lot of money in child support by switching to condoms!
They`re teaching kids that abstinence is 100% more effective in preventing pregnancy than birth control, try telling that one to Jesus`s mother!
I`m so in Debt, I could start a Government.
Thursday doesn`t even count as a day, it`s just the thing that`s blocking friday.