Daily Silly Status

Toilets are really just fart amplifiers when you are trying to be quiet.

My New Year`s resolution was to lose 15 lbs by the middle of February. I have 20 lbs. to go.

If I were the guy who made the Where’s Waldo books I would have totally made a page where Waldo wasn’t there.

Changing a whole text message just because you didn`t know how to spell one word?

If you hear a roommate having loud sex, a cool thing to do is kick down the door and shout "player 3 has entered the game!"

I dont understand these pregnancy test things, so I took another one just to be sure. Just as I thought, its negitive, we`re not pregnant! Now how am I going to tell my wife she is just fat.

Thanks coffee for tricking us into believing that it`s a good morning for a few minutes.

It`s always awkward the first time you hold hands with someone because they usually want to know who you are and why you just grabbed them.

Cheers to alcohol! The cause of, and solution, to all of life’s problems!

Nice try, Henry Winkler, but I’m not inclined to take mortgage advice from a guy who lived above the Cunningham’s garage for like ten years.

My diet could best be described as, "unchaperoned child at a birthday party."

If you are the one who stole my computer yesterday, please disregard the folder labeled, "Nature photographs." Thanks.

Life is to short ... to waste time matching socks.

Wow, it`s beautiful outside. I should probably do something. Like close the blinds so there isn`t a glare on my screen.

Shaving your head is the "You can`t fire me because i quit" approach to male pattern baldness.