Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Admit it, you should be doing something else really important right now but your on Facebook again.
When I was a kid…no wait, I still do that.
According to physics heat makes matter expand.....therefore I don`t have a weight problem....I`m just hot
I have more conversations in my head than I do in real life.
Just heard a guy at the dog park tell his dog "NO!" and then more quietly, "We talked about this!"
Imagine how much faster Olympic sprinters could run if they saw their wives going through their phones at the finish line
I`m not crazy, I`m just special!!...No, wait...Maybe I am crazy. One second...I have to talk to myself about this, hold on...
eHarmony matched me with a bean bag chair with duct tape on it
Why do the 5 seconds I have to wait before I can "skip ad" last 30 seconds?
Why do people ask "what the hell were you thinking"? Obviously, I was thinking I was gonna get away with it and not have to explain it.
When you`re a kid, you hate those moments when there is absolutely nothing to do. As an adult, you live for them.
I like to punish people who ask me how I`m doing by giving them a detailed description of how I am doing.
I tried sniffing coke once but the ice cubes kept getting sucked in my nose!
If you leave me a voice mail that asks me to call you back at my convenience you have no one to blame but yourself.
I think Facebook now comes under the housework category.