Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
What a terrible day. I`m going to drive through puddles & splash pedestrians to make myself feel better,
"I ran a half marathon" sounds so much better than "I quit halfway through a marathon"
Always give 100% at work: 12% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 20% Thursday, 5% Friday.
It`s 2014, people. Isn`t it about time we put an end to all this `wake up in the morning and go to work` nonsense?
"Karate" is an old Japanese word that means, "My kid can`t hit a baseball."
The other day my son asked me who picks up the seeing eye dog`s poop.
Tip Of The Week: When going through airport customs and you are asked “do you have any firearms with you?” do not reply “what do you need?”
My bucket list: 4 drumsticks, 2 thighs, 2 mashed potatoes with gravy, and 2 biscuits. Extra crispy.
The only thing I ever win playing McDonald’s Monopoly is 10 pounds.
Is anyone else`s alcohol tolerance too high for their paycheck?
I wouldn`t say I "missed" your call.
My sister borrowed my favorite shirt without asking again, so I changed her Facebook profile picture to a positive Clearblue pregnancy test.
Relationship Tip for men: When a woman says, "Correct me if I`m wrong but...."Don`t do it!! It`s a trap!! DO NOT, I repeat, do not correct that woman!!!
If you think your girlfriend has a great sense if humor, try leaving a trail of rose petals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes.
~WARNING~ I will more than likely offend you at some point in time