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Everybody stop what you`re doing and play with crayons!! Enjoy the day
"Should I add more liquor?" is the most ridiculous question I`ve ever been asked.
Was building a website for women drivers ... Bloody thing kept crashing.
Men, if a woman is upset, hold her and tell her how beautiful she is. If she starts to growl, retreat to a safe distance and throw chocolate at her.
Seeing a spider isn`t a problem. It becomes a problem when the spider disappears.
Don’t underestimate my ability to be hungry.
Texts from mom: Thanks to the supreme court, now it`s not just women who won`t marry you.
If you work Security in a Samsung store does that make you a Guardian of the Galaxy?
I got caught peeing in the swimming pool today... The lifeguard shouted so loud I almost fell in.
My new year`s resolution is that donuts have no calories.
I don`t have a drinking problem, you have a problem with my drinking. Big difference.
everyone has that one crazy person in there family...but in my case everyone is just as crazy as i am!XD
Adam didn`t take any crap from Eve. He wore the plants in that relationship
Never be mean to nerds. You never know, one day you might be working for them!
I entered what I ate for lunch into my calorie counting app and it uninstalled itself.