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Who is this "Moderation" they keep telling me to drink with?
Relationship status: Don`t tell me to calm down! You called a stormtrooper a robot!
Telling a girl to calm down is like trying to baptize a cat.
People like you remind me how lucky I am that my cell phone provider has a block option! Just sayin.
My left buttcheek fell asleep. I`m Half-a$$ing everything I do for the next ten minutes.
I like to make up words just to keep my auto correct in check.
I`m not lazy. I`m just highly motivated to not do anything.
To everybody that is single don`t worry you will have your day............ Palm Sunday is just around the corner
What is this `wrong hole` you people speak of?
They used to be called "jumpolines" until you jumped on one...
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who really do.
If he remembers your eye color after the first date, then you probably have small boobs
Ever notice that no one ever has three cats? They either have one or two cats, then it jumps to 17.
Most friends with benefits have such high deductibles that you`ll always be paying way too much out of pocket.
I did a terrible job preparing for my Blue Man Group audition and boy is my face red