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Who says nothing is impossible. I´ve been doing nothing for years.
Salad tastes pretty good once you add some pizza and get rid of the salad.
have you ever been like "what`s the day today? ... no i mean the like the number".
My favorite hobbies are practical jokes and masturbation. I’m always trying to pull a fast one
pudding... thats always a funny word
Don`t worry about old age, it doesn`t last that long.
A simpler, more believable theory is that all the dinosaurs got married and just quit having sex all together.
I feel like Frosted Flakes gives kids an unreasonable expectation of how friendly tigers are when you try to feed them a bowl of cereal.
I would rather lie there and accept death than try to get out of a hammock while anyone is watching me.
hey single people..tomorrow is officially `rebound day` after all the ridiculously high romantic expectations end in `epic fail`
Me: GUESS WHO BOUGHT A MEGAPHONE!? Neighbor: Get out of my house! Me: You`re not even guessing.
Fact: No one has ever "Jumped in the shower."
I like how the nice people of Sesame Street all know that Oscar the Grouch lives in that can, and yet they still stuff their trash into it.
If your girlfriends cat gets eaten by an angry pitbul terrier, gently singing "The circle of life" into her ear WILL NOT cheer her up.
I`ve run out of things to be upset about. I hope Justin Bieber has kids soon.