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Aging is inevitable, Maturing is optional.
It`s Monday. I`m refreshed and ready to hate my Job
If we all winked, laughed out loud, stuck out our tongues and blew kisses in real life as much as we do in texts...it would be very creepy.
The most terrifying thing a woman can say to me is "notice anything different?"
I just let my mind wander, but it didn’t come back yet.
It`s 2014, people. Isn`t it about time we put an end to all this `wake up in the morning and go to work` nonsense?
Joggers always give each other a little nod when they pass, just like fat guys in a buffet line.
You pay more attention to the TV than you do me! - Ma`am, do you want me to fix your cable or not?
I am surprised Cheech and Chong have not filmed a new movie -"Cheech and Chong Smoke Colorado"
I once wrestled an anaconda for 4 straight hours... Then I realized I was just masturbating.
My life is a constant battle of preventing my muffin top from becoming a pound cake.
Damn, it`s like these people have never seen anyone bring a flask to the gym before.
These Days everything is really starting to Click!.......My knee`s, my elbows, and the rest of my joints!
Never piss off the person that cooks your dinner ... EVER!
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.